


house of memories

by jjaeniel



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Friends to Lovers, Growing Up Together, M/M, brief mentions of abuse, but its not graphic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-23
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2019-06-14 23:19:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15399804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jjaeniel/pseuds/jjaeniel
Summary: kang daniel knew he was done for the second he met ong seongwu.





	house of memories

**Author's Note:**

> hello! oh god this is so much longer than i thought it would be,,, it originally started out as a vent fic (re: all that goes on with daniel) and then i was like... lets turn this into a real fic maybe... and now we're here 11.4k later uhhh i hope u enjoy :P

kang daniel knew he was done for the second he met ong seongwu. 

seongwu, with his three-point moles and charming smile. the soft words he spoke and even softer mannerisms, the caring nature in which he went about things. he was always the one to cheer someone up the quickest when they got a bad score on a test, the one who read poetry books for _fun_.

seongwu, with his daring side, the one who would be first to jump into the ocean from the highest ledge. the one who would peddle down the biggest hill in town, trusting gravity to keep him upright and safe.

seongwu, with his jokes that made _everyone_ laugh, the boy looking like he wasn't even _trying_ to be funny (daniel knew he was, all seongwu ever wanted was to make people laugh).

seongwu, with his soft touches whenever daniel got hurt skateboarding _again_ , his contrasting harsh words telling him to be careful and how he was an idiot _again_ , the knock to his head he got _every time_.

the one daniel ended up sitting outside the classroom with after hours, their hands above their heads on more than one occasion, trying to stifle giggles that would end them up with more time to sit there. 

ong seongwu was an enigma and kang daniel was done for.

~

it was a tuesday in the beginning of daniel’s first winter of middle school when someone new moved to his hometown, in the place he grew up and knew like the back of his hand. daniel didn’t know he was there at first, having been absent the day the boy introduced himself to the class. it wasn’t until that friday daniel noticed the mysterious boy sitting in the corner of the classroom, nose buried in a book of some sort.

no one was talking to him, so daniel took the opportunity and moved across the room to the other boy. 

“what’re you reading?” daniel starts with, heart racing with a feeling he couldn’t identify. anxiety, maybe, of saying the wrong thing? nervousness, over talking to a new kid who no one really knew yet? excitement, over making a new friend this year? instead of dwelling on it, daniel pulled out the chair in front of the boy and sat down backwards on it. 

startling slightly and looking up, seongwu took in the person in front of him. wide shoulders, messy hair, crooked tie. dog-earing a well worn page, seongwu closed his book and gently put it inside his desk.

“a poetry book,” seongwu replied softly, resting his head in a hand, elbow coming to land on top of the desk. 

humming and nodding despite not being interested in poetry in the slightest, daniel read seongwu’s name tag. “ong? ong seong...wu,” the younger sounded out softly, reading each syllable carefully. 

“not gong seongwu, nor hong seongwu, just ong seongwu,” the elder responded almost immediately, a small smile making its way onto his face. 

this had daniel’s face scrunching up, a loud laugh leaving his mouth. seongwu wasn’t entirely sure if daniel could even _see_ with how scrunched up his eyes were. the boy found it endearing, to say the least. 

after learning daniel was _supposed_ to be a first year, but wasn’t due to high test scores and even better grades, seongwu felt slightly intimidated. he knew he couldn’t do _half_ as well as the person in front of him, despite being older. 

all of that was thrown out the window the second daniel muttered a _“lets be friends, okay?”_ , lopsided smile on his face, full of boyish charm. getting up once the teacher entered the room and cleared his throat to begin his lecture, daniel stood there expectantly. at the small answering nod he got from seongwu, daniel smiled widely and moved back to his own seat in the front of the class.

daniel didn’t stop smiling for a long time after that. 

~

a few months down the line, the pair were inseparable. seongwu _used_ to be intimidated by daniel, the younger seeming miles smarter than seongwu himself. at the age of 14, thats a scary thing, being inadequate. 

when seongwu realized daniel was just as quick to join in on his jokes and pranks, seongwu stopped feeling so weird around the younger. it was simple with daniel, the elder figured. while making friends usually was kind of awkward and uncomfortable at their age, skills not quite yet set in stone, with daniel he didn't have to try. 

with daniel, all he did was laugh. 

it was easier with daniel than anyone else seongwu knew. he wondered why daniel was different, why it was easier to mess around with him, just let _go_. 

for daniel, it was harder to let go like seongwu. daniel never really talked about himself, seongwu noticed. seongwu didn’t know if it was from the other just not feeling comfortable to share, or if something was genuinely wrong. he did know never to call him danny boy though, after a reaction he got one time. 

in all honesty, seongwu was _confused_. 

it all came to a head in the summer before their third year of middle school. 

seongwu and daniel were at the park like they tended to do lately, swinging back and forth absentmindedly. they didn't need to talk to have fun together, the pair just enjoying each other’s company. 

the problems didn’t start until someone new came up to them. seongwu didn’t know who he was, the obviously older boy looking intimidating as he walked closer to the pair. however, seongwu _did_ notice daniel tensing beside him, his swing slowly coming to a stop. he looked uneasy, seongwu saw, like he was waiting for something bad to happen. 

“hey danny boy, still got daddy issues?” the boy said loudly, like he _wanted_ everyone to hear. seongwu’s skin prickled with something uncomfortable. he suddenly understood daniel’s reaction to the nickname now. 

“please stop,” daniel replied, hands gripping the swing chains tightly.

“stop what, danny? i’m just asking a question,” the boy said with a smile, looking menacing. the whole time moving closer, closer, _closer_ , like he wanted to make daniel uncomfortable. “i just want to know if your dad still leaves you to fend for yourself for weeks, only to come home and yell because you’ve done something wrong _again_.”

at this daniel grit his teeth, jaw clenching uncomfortably. seongwu wondered if he should step in. he _knew_ he couldn't fight, but something in him wanted to. for daniel. 

“hey, cut it out,” seongwu said before his brain could process he was speaking, voice coming out shaky and unstable. 

“oh! what do we have here, danny boy? a knight in shining armor trying to _protect_ you?” the boy said, smile turning on seongwu. 

seongwu was newly turned 14 when he landed his first punch. he doesn't really remember _swinging_ , all he knows is his hand stung like a _bitch_. the boy hardly seemed to react to seongwu’s punch, though.

what he _does_ remember is the punch to his own face after that, knocking him down and rendering him useless. the older boy left after that, unsatisfied with the two middle schoolers, tired of tormenting them. 

it took a minute before either boy spoke, daniel staring at seongwu with a mix of concern and distress on his face, seongwu making occasional noises of pain.

“are you- do you need anything?” seongwu managed to get out eventually, left side of his face feeling uncomfortably warm and achy. he was still sat at the foot of his own swing, feeling too dizzy to get up. 

“me? do _i_ need anything? hyung you just got punched in the _face_ ,” daniel said incredulously, looking at his best friend like he was an idiot. “ _i’m_ fine. you, on the other hand, need ice or something.”

completely ignoring daniel’s concern, seongwu only had one thing on his mind. instead of beating around the bush, he asked, _“was it true, what he said?”_ , staring up at daniel with one hand over his eye. he _needed_ to know. 

“i- um. it’s really not that bad,” daniel said, dodging giving a straight answer. this worried seongwu slightly, the younger always being straightforward with him. “like, he leaves money and stuff so i can eat it’s really not- it’s not awful.”

truthfully, this was way out of seongwu’s realm of knowledge. he didn’t know whether to believe daniel, get up, and walk home to get ice, or if he should push and make daniel tell him everything. seongwu might be 14, but everyone always _has_ said he was mature for his age, and he tried to act it. this time, he wasn’t sure what the mature thing to do even _was_. 

he figured letting it be was the best thing to do for now. 

standing up and groaning, hand coming up to hold his head, seongwu let out a, _“come on, i should get ice,”_ and started walking. he didn't look back, knowing daniel would follow him. he would probably follow him to the end of the earth, if seongwu asked. 

daniel was special. seongwu would protect him. 

~  
over the course of their second year as friends, daniel spent more and more time at seongwu’s house. 

seongwu didn’t mention it, not wanting to make daniel uncomfortable or talk about something he didn’t want to, especially with how easy he brushed off an actual issue the last time seongwu tried to bring something up, but he definitely noticed. the younger slept over more often than not, squished uncomfortably close to seongwu in his bed. 

sure, seongwu was sacrificing quality sleep for daniel, but he didn’t _really_ mind. it was warmer in the winter, anyway. 

seongwu started to wonder if daniel just hated being alone.

he didn’t think anyone really noticed, how much time daniel was spending at his house, until his mom brought it up over dinner one night. 

“daniel’s been around more often, hasn’t he?” his mom said, seongwu not sure if she was talking to him or his father. maybe it was a general question, or a rhetorical one he wasn’t meant to answer. 

“yeah,” seongwu said softly, pushing around food on his plate. he was expecting his mom to yell, or say daniel couldn’t come over anymore, like most kids would expect when their mom brings something up unexpectedly. what he didn’t expect was the _“that's good, i'm glad you made a good friend honey,”_ she said, and for the conversation to move on. 

seongwu didn’t bring up daniel coming over so much until a week later. 

“hey mom?” he said, standing in the doorway to her room, feeling his nerves shoot up. how do you exactly tell your mom your best friend essentially doesn’t have a parent?

“what is it?” she replied, looking up from her book. upon seeing the look on his face, she pat the spot in front of her, face morphing into something of concern.

taking a deep breath, he walked over to sit on the edge of the bed. the bed felt much smaller now than when he was younger and had a nightmare, squished in between his parents to keep away the monsters. now he felt too big to be sitting there, feeling too big to even be in his own skin in that moment. 

“i think daniel’s dad hates him,” seongwu said in a rush, shifting uncomfortably. he couldn’t make himself look up, look at his own mother’s face. 

she was quiet for a long time after that, making seongwu more nervous by the minute. he couldn’t even begin to predict what she would say. 

“why do you think so, honey?” his mom said softly, sitting up straighter. 

“do you remember that day at the park? when i came home and had to ice my eye? and i told you it was because daniel accidentally hit me while we were swinging?” seongwu said, finally gaining the courage to pick his head up and look at her. “it wasn’t daniel who hit me, mom.”

seongwu’s mom was quiet for a minute again, before asking who hit him. it's not like seongwu could give a _name_ or a description other than _“shitty kid who bullies daniel”_ or something, but he tried his best. 

“i-i don't know his name or anything, but he came up to us, at the park? and started saying all this mean stuff to daniel, so obviously i told him to stop, and he didn’t,” seongwu started, taking a deep breath before continuing. “so then i punched him.”

“ong seongwu, you _what_?” she said incredulously, staring at her son with wide eyes. 

“he wouldn’t stop talking, mom! he said a bunch of nasty stuff about how daniel’s dad will leave him alone for weeks and how he yells at him all the time and-“

“seongwu, breathe,” his mom interrupted, staring at her son. truthfully, she wasn’t sure what to do in this situation. seongwu never gave her trouble, he was always mature and kind and caring. she didn’t want to _punish_ him for defending his friend, but he had _punched_ someone. 

“mom,” seongwu finally said, looking up with tears in his eyes. “mom i just think daniel’s lonely.”

“oh honey,” she said, pulling seongwu to her chest. he might be too big for it now, all awkward gangly arms and long legs he still hasn’t grown into, but that was her _son_. her son who was _crying_ over his best friend. 

seongwu cries. he cries for a half hour, feeling all his bottled up emotions finally come out. he was _confused_ , and _tired_ , and didn’t know what to _do_. 

he just hoped someone did. 

~  
kang daniel is 15 when he first meets hwang minhyun. he’s older than daniel himself, same age as seongwu. it takes a while to get used to minhyun’s straightforward way of speaking, but when daniel does he really likes minhyun. 

they meet at freshman orientation, daniel practically plastered to seongwu’s side in excitement at starting _high school_. he bumps into minhyun on accident, knocking all the fliers out of his hands. bending down to help the elder pick them up while apologizing profusely, daniel learns his name. 

“hwang minhyun!” someone yells from down the aisle, rushing up to him. “fuck man i’ve been looking for you everywhere, i thought you were gonna wait for us.”

“i figured i’d come early and get everything,” minhyun replies, still gathering papers. daniel was _still_ apologizing, despite him saying it was okay and just an accident. “sorry, i guess i forgot to text the group chat.”

“well, you have them now, don't you? c’mon, hurry! jonghyun wanted to show us something before homeroom,” the boy says, obviously in a rush. 

“hey, what's your name?” minhyun says, completely ignoring his friend. it takes a second for daniel to realize minhyun is talking to _him_. 

“kang daniel,” he says quickly, still holding a stack of papers uselessly. 

finally taking the papers from daniel, minhyun gets up. looking down at the younger boy still kneeling on the floor, he says a nonchalant “see you around, kang daniel,” and leaves. 

daniel stays there, on the floor, for the next minute, people passing around him. barely anyone spares him a glance aside from a group of girls, giggling as they pass by. high school is so _confusing_. people are _confusing_. 

“seongwu, what the fuck just happened,” daniel says eventually, still kneeling on the floor with his hands out, frozen. “is this how people make friends in high school?”

“he might be your enemy now,” seongwu said, pulling daniel up by his backpack. “you might be in for a four year long rivalry, one that rivals cato and caesar.”

“who and _who_?” daniel says dumbly, making his way to the information table. “please don't pull your book smart shit with me, you know i’m an idiot.”

“you skipped an entire grade based on test scores alone, dumbass,” seongwu said, accepting the fliers the nice ladies were handing out. “cato and caesar. the best rivalry in rome. cato, the one who _almost_ stopped caesar? we learned about it last year, dude.”

“absolutely no recollection,” daniel said, stuffing a bunch of papers into his backpack. “regardless, i’m terrified. i hope i don't have any classes with him.”

as it turns out, daniel had every single class with hwang minhyun, and only _one_ with seongwu. 

it was, in a sense, a nightmare. 

the first thing minhyun says to him at 8:23 that morning is _“when i said see you around, i didn’t mean this soon,”_ with a smirk on his face. 

daniel was terrified. he was certain minhyun hated him, and was just playing with him for his own amusement. it took three weeks and sitting at minhyun’s lunch table every day for daniel to figure out minhyun _didn’t_ hate him. 

seongwu and minhyun had already hit it off, complimenting each other in ways that amazed daniel. when seongwu made a joke, minhyun wasn’t afraid to tell him if it sucked like daniel sometimes was. when seongwu pulled out his favorite poetry book -well, _well_ , worn by now- minhyun was genuinely interested in what he was reading (unlike daniel, many years ago).

it was when minhyun invited him out to the arcade, _alone_ , that it finally clicked. 

“wait- you actually _like_ me?” daniel said incredulously, staring at minhyun. 

“uh, yeah? why do you think you’ve been sitting with me and my friends for almost a month? we’re like… a friend group now or whatever,” minhyun responded, looking at daniel like he was an idiot. maybe he was, honestly. 

“oh holy shit i thought you like, secretly hated me or something and were just- messing with me or something. fuck. i'm so sorry,” daniel rushed out, eyes wide in panic. 

the laugh minhyun let out was, truthfully, the most beautiful thing daniel had ever heard. 

“please never apologize to me again. you did enough of that on the first day of orientation,” minhyun reminded him, daniel’s cheeks heating up at the memory. 

“hey! i was full of nerves and excitement! excuse me for being jumpy and overly apologetic,” daniel tried to defend. 

“so is that a yes to the arcade or?”

“oh! yes. yes i’ll be there. of course.”

“sweet, i’ll text you the details,” minhyun said, making his way across the street. “see you later!”

pulling out his phone, daniel went to the only person he knew he could rely on. 

**danik**  
**12:32pm** i am a fucking fool seongwu  
**12:33pm** an absolute buffoon

**onguwu**  
unsurprising, but continue **12:35pm**

**danik**  
all this time i thought minhyun hyung hated me  
turns out he doesnt and we’re going 2 the arcade this weekend  
im so fucking confused  
**12:37pm** please help

**onguwu**  
u really are an idiot **12:40pm**  
like, what the hell. we’ve been sitting with him and his friends for weeks. are u okay? like at all? **12:41pm**

**danik**  
IM SORRY IM A FUCKING FOOL ALRIGHT  
anyway. how do i talk to him  
**12:57pm** please. i asked nicely for help

**onguwu**  
just talk to him like u talk to me, idiot  
god this is so stupid hes /minhyun/  
u really are dense sometimes **1:03pm**

**danik**  
sorry god seongwu for being a dumbass  
please let me repent  
**1:05pm** im going to die saturday  & no one will care

**onguwu**  
the absolute drama  
and IM the one in drama club  
i cant believe ur THIS nervous **1:06pm**  
just come over **1:07pm**

**danik**  
be right there  
wait for me  <3  
**1:10pm** love u

**onguwu**  
yeah yeah  
love u 2 **1:15pm**

pocketing his phone, daniel made his way to seongwu’s. 

he really was an idiot. 

~

it's a rainy day in the fall when daniel stays over for the fourth time that week. they’re laying on seongwu’s bedroom floor, textbooks spread out around them, definitely not working on assignments they have to do. 

it’s almost 7pm when daniel gets the call. _the_ call from his dad. 

“hello?” daniel says softly, sitting up from where he was laying. “yeah dad, i’m at seongwu’s. i texted you and let you know i’d be here tonight.

“no dad- dad listen-

“yeah, i’ll be right home,” daniel mumbles, body tight with tension and something else seongwu can't identify. 

“everything okay?” seongwu says softly, watching daniel pack up his stuff with confusion. 

“it’s fine, dad just, needs me home or something,” daniel mumbles, standing up to leave. 

“lemme go get my mom, she can drive you,” seongwu says, looking outside to see the rain picking up. “you can’t walk home in this weather.”

“it's really fine, dude, don't worry about me,” daniel replies, moving to leave the room. “i’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?”

“yeah,” seongwu says quietly, watching daniel leave. he knows better than to try and insist something when daniel is already stressed out, by the looks of it. he distantly hears a _“bye mrs. ong! i’ll see you later!”_ and the sound of his front door closing before she can even get out a word. 

daniel is out sick for the next three days, and doesn’t answer his phone once. seongwu tries not to panic, despite everything about the situation feeling _off_ and _wrong_. daniel _always_ answers his phone.

seongwu goes through his days mechanically, barely joking around with minhyun or jonghyun. he fails three of his tests and gets a scolding from his teacher, but can’t find it in him to really _listen_. 

he pretends he can't see the worried looks his friends are shooting him, refusing to answer their _“are you okay”_ s and _“what happened?”_ s straightforward. he misses daniel.

he’s worried out of his mind, and doesn’t know what to do. 

daniel comes back to school, quieter than usual, and doesn’t accept the hug seongwu tries to give him in the morning. daniel _never_ refuses seongwu’s hug, the most he does being making various annoyed noises until seongwu lets go. 

seongwu plasters a smile on his face anyway and pretends he’s not being eaten up inside by his concern. he ~~hopes~~ _prays_ daniel will be okay. 

its another rainy day in fall when ong seongwu truly feels _useless_ for the first time in his life. 

~

seongwu finds out he's _maybe_ a little less straight than he thought in his sophomore year. he’s newly 16, and _very_ stressed out. it’s not like he was raised to be anyone but himself, wholly and truly, but somewhere deep down he was so _scared_ he thought pushing it away was the best thing to do. overall, he was _confused_.

confused at why his heart rate picked up everytime daniel laughed so hard his eyes practically closed, confused why at movie nights it felt _different_ being cuddled up next to minhyun, confused at everything having to do with boys in general. 

seongwu is _confused_ , and he can’t tell _anyone_. 

he can't tell anyone, until choi minki pulls him aside at one of their weekly movie nights many months later with the premise of getting more snacks from the kitchen. waiting until they’re safely away from everyone else he asks seongwu why he’s being so weird and touchy around everyone lately.

he _doesn’t_ say he thinks he's maybe a little bit gay, because he's probably not. he's just confused, that's all. 

despite this, all he gets out is a choked _“boys,”_ before realization dawns on minki. _real subtle, seongwu._

“oh honey,” minki says softly, petting his hair fondly. “you’re so cute.”

“i’m- huh?” seongwu says dumbly, heart being fast in his chest, staring wide eyed at minki. “i just- i just essentially- i? and i’m _cute_?”

“yes, because all you said was _boys_. as if they were the most stressful thing in your life,” minki replies, still petting seongwu’s hair. he really _was_ weird. 

“because they are!” seongwu says exasperatedly, shaking off minki’s hand on his head. “they’re stupid and dumb and have no self awareness at all! and they're _stupid_.”

“ _so cute_ ,” minki coos, reaching out to pinch one of seongwu’s cheeks. luckily he dodges it, a scowl on his face. 

“i’m not cute, i’m having a _crisis_ ,” seongwu insists, crossing his arms over his chest, definitely _not_ pouting. 16 year olds did not pout.

“cute,” minki responds simply, gathering up various snacks and drinks in his arms, shoving some at seongwu as well. “truthfully though, if you ever wanna talk about it just text me. been there, done that.”

“you’re- huh?” seongwu says, trying not to drop the chip bags he's holding. 

“you can say _gay_ , seongwu. it's not gonna kill you,” minki says before starting to make his way back to the living room. 

sputtering, seongwu lets out a _“i know, idiot,”_ before calling minki back. 

“wait, ki- just don’t, tell anyone? please?” seongwu pleads softly, slight panic written on his face. “i’m still not… sure and stuff.”

smiling softly, minki nods and assures seongwu he won’t, replying with, “now c’mon, they’ll start to wonder what's going on.”

it’s later, nearly midnight, when he gets a text. 

**danik**  
is everything alright?  
u spent a while with minki earlier  
did something happen **11:52pm**

it takes seongwu a while to respond, staring down at his phone and biting his lip. he can _feel_ daniel’s eyes on him from across the room, waiting for him to say something. 

**onguwu**  
nah everythings fine  
dw dw  
**11:59pm** we just had to talk about a project  


****  
  
danik

okay  
u can tell me anything tho  
ur my bro… bro **12:03am**

**onguwu**  
shut up  
im really fine  
go back to watching the movie  
**12:05am** loser

**danik**  
kay  
love ya  
…  <3 **12:11am**

pocketing his phone, seongwu sighs. he was still confused in general, but at least he had minki now, and daniel like always. 

everything would be fine. 

~  
they’re in their junior year when daniel and seongwu get in their first fight. finals week has tensions running high, the winter weather outside doing nothing to help crabby moods from stressed students. 

it was inevitable, really. seongwu had been getting more and more annoyed lately, the addition of daniel’s first ever girlfriend making him feel _off_ and _weird_ for reasons he couldn’t figure out. 

it all starts with a caramel macchiato. or rather, the lack thereof. 

"one americano for you and one latte for me," daniel says cheerily, setting the drink in front of seongwu and sitting across from him. "now to study."

"americano?" seongwu says, head tilting to the side. "kang daniel do you not know me at _all_?"

"huh? that's what you always get," daniel replies, staring helplessly between the two drinks, looking more like a lost puppy than a teenage boy

"no i don’t," seongwu says, mouth downturning slightly. he wasn’t really _upset_ just confused as to where daniel got the americano idea from. "i get caramel macchiatos. _always_ , daniel."

"oh," daniel lets out, perking up slightly when he thinks of something. "i must've gotten yours and eunbi's confused or something."

"mine and eunbi's," seongwu echos, voice coming out bitter when he says, "should've known."

"what's that supposed to mean?" daniel says, voice taking on a defensive tone. there's an ugly crease in between his eyebrows, just serving to annoy seongwu even more than he already was.

"nothing," seongwu says, voice going monotone. he was _not_ about to do this here, in the middle of a starbucks of all places.

"no seongwu, what's that supposed to _mean_?"

"i said _nothing_ , daniel," seongwu snaps, voice raising slightly. "drop it. i mean it."

"what're you gonna do if i don't?" daniel threatens, voice matching seongwu's own. people are starting to look now, curious as to what's going on and who's interrupting their peace and quiet.

"it's not like you'd hit me, you're too _in love with me_ to do that," daniel continues, starting to pack up his stuff.

seongwu only knows he smacks daniel by the sound he hears _after_. he feels his whole body go cold, like someone’s poured a bucket of ice water over him, apologies on the tip of his tongue. he can _feel_ everyone staring at them for sure now and seongwu wants to curl up in a ball and disappear forever.

the worst part to seongwu is the fact all daniel does is laugh. doesn't say anything, doesn't even look at him. just laughs, gets up, swings his backpack over his shoulder, and leaves.

seongwu sits there for a while after, people's eyes slowly starting to leave him once they realize he's not going to cry. he sits there all day and doesn't pack up his stuff until an employee comes by, softly reminding him they close in 5 minutes. giving them a soft smile and a nod that he understands, he starts putting away his books, feeling numb.

seongwu feels _numb_. from head to toe he feels numb and wrong and _dirty_.

it’s not until later, when seongwu is laying in bed that night, that he remembers what daniel said to him.

_"you're too in love with me to do that."_

what did that even _mean_? it’s not like seongwu had told daniel he was gay (surprise! he really _was_ gay), nor did minki, and it's not like it was even _true_. so where did daniel get the idea?

seongwu doesn't know, and doesn't think he ever will.

~

they don’t talk for a month.

the transition from talking everyday to not at all is one that serves to make seongwu's skin prickle and for him to feel off all the time. a "what exactly happened with daniel, seongwu?" from minhyun is all it takes for him to break down.

"i hit him, hyun, i actually _hit_ him," seongwu says, tears pooling in his eyes. "but he said i was in love with him and i didn't even think and-"

"wait wait, seongwu slow down. start from the beginning," minhyun says, hands reaching out to hold seongwu's shoulders.

"we were- we were studying for finals," seongwu starts, taking a deep breath and feeling dizzy with how long ago that seems now. wiping built up tears, he continues. "we were studying and he got me an americano, which i never drink, and so i got confused because i've never gotten one in my life, y'know? so i mentioned it, and he was convinced i _always_ order them, only to remember that’s eunbi's order."

"and this is a problem because?"

"well i guess when i responded with 'of course' he took it the wrong way, and then asked me what i meant by that, so i said nothing because it _was_ nothing-"

"was it really, seongwu?" minhyun interrupts, staring at him with a mixture of confusion and slight annoyance on his face.

"yes? why wouldn't it be? it’s not like i have a problem with daniel's girlfriend," seongwu says back, looking equally as confused as minhyun.

"no offense, seongwu, but yes you do," minhyun says matter of factly, giving seongwu a deadpan look. "all you do when she's around is make various faces and go quiet like you're uncomfortable or something. pretty sure the only people who don't realize are you, and daniel."

"that's not the point," seongwu says quickly. "he said i was _in love with him_ , minhyun. why would he _say that_?"

"maybe because you are?" minhyun says, still staring at seongwu like he's an idiot. "you really _are_ dense, for fucks sake."

seongwu doesn't respond, shocked beyond words. at the realization seongwu isn't going to answer, minhyun continues.

"i mean, minki started calling you and daniel the dense duo as a joke, but now i _really_ think it’s true. daniel probably isn't as dense as we think though, considering he's managed to catch on to your pining as well. now all that's left is you, the only person who matters over this."

"i'm not in love with my best friend! i'm really _not_!" seongwu practically shouts, feeling tears start to pool in his eyes again. he was frustrated and he missed daniel.

"are you sure, seongwu?" minhyun says softly, rubbing a thumb in circles on seongwu's shoulder. “think about how you _really_ feel. now’s a good time to, while you guys aren’t talking. i’ll be here if you ever wanna talk about it.”

was he really sure he didn’t like daniel _like that_?

~

they're at a party, in a closet, when they start talking again. daniel's tapping his foot impatiently, arms crossed over his chest defensively, frown deep on his face. seongwu feels like his entire skeleton is trying to eject itself from his skin, wanting to be _anywhere_ but in that fucking closet with daniel. _fuck_ seven minutes in heaven and fuck high schoolers for thinking it was a fun idea.

he's talking before he can stop himself.

"how- how have you been?" seongwu says, voice shaking and coming out quiet. since when was it normal to be scared to talk to your _best friend_?

"broke up with eunbi, if that's what you're really wondering," daniel says back, still not looking at seongwu. that almost hurts more than the combined weeks of them not talking, not even looking at each other in the hallways.

"i... i really wasn't, but i'm sorry to hear that," seongwu says sincerely, a small frown making its way onto his face. he didn't like the thought of daniel being upset over it, especially when he didn't even know.

"i know you didn't like her, seongwu," daniel replied, almost like he didn't even hear seongwu in the first place. "like, don't get me wrong that's not why i broke up with her, but i know you didn't like her."

"why does everyone keep _fucking_ saying that?" seongwu snaps. "i liked her just fine! she was fine! there was nothing wrong with her!"

"no, there wasn't," daniel agrees, nodding. "the problem lied with her being with _me_."

this has seongwu stopping short, staring at daniel in the lowlight of the closet.

"huh?" he practically whispers, surprise flashing across his face.

"at least you didn't hit me this time," daniel says, the left side of his mouth lifting up slightly.

"listen about that-"

"don't," daniel stops the elder, continuing with, "don't apologize. it was out of pocket for me to say that, i deserved it. maybe not that _hard_ , but i deserved it."

a small pout makes its way onto seongwu's face then, still feeling _awful_ despite daniel saying it was okay.

"fuck, you really are cute," is all daniel says before kissing him.

kissing him. kissing seongwu, on the lips.

it takes a minute for seongwu to fully process what the _fuck_ is going on, and when he does, the closet door opens.

the closet door opens to what feels like their entire school -despite it really just being the dance and theater clubs- watching them kiss.

daniel doesn't pull away immediately, like one might would when being caught _kissing their best friend_. no, he stands there for a minute, still kissing seongwu, smirking slightly. there’s various cheers and catcalls from the living room, and seongwu is going to fucking die.

its when daniel pulls away and seongwu gets a good look at daniel's smug face that seongwu hits him for the second time in his life, this time on his chest. seongwu can feel his cheeks heating up, face going red.

seongwu’s heart is beating wildly in his chest, feeling like he ran a marathon rather than just getting kissed. he risks a look at everyone who was watching, feeling his cheeks heat up more, ducking his head.

daniel leaves the closet first, laughing at everyone _still_ catcalling, bowing dramatically. seongwu wants to hit him _again_.

"so, is the famous kang daniel a good kisser?" a freshman asks him later, eyes wide and full of wonder.

ong seongwu is going to fucking die and it’s going to be kang daniel's fault.

~  
they start dating that following week. 

word spreads fast around the school, and by monday everyone who didn’t see them kiss knows they're together. its overwhelming for the both of them, an added stress on top of a new relationship. of course there's a fair share of dirty looks and hissed words under breaths in the hallways, but overall, they could handle it.

dating daniel is almost as easy as being his best friend, seongwu thinks. the only _real_ difference is now they kiss occasionally, and hold hands even more often, and if anyone gets too touchy with seongwu, daniel will stand there with a cute grumpy look on his face, wanting all the attention to himself.

“y’know,” minki starts one day at lunch, staring at seongwu who has his head resting on daniel’s shoulder. “you guys are kinda cute. didn’t expect this.”

“correction, we’re the _cutest_ ,” seongwu says, smiling widely. he has his hand clasped in daniel’s own under the table, occasionally stealing a fry from the younger with his free hand. 

“would you _stop it_ ,” daniel says exasperatedly, smacking seongwu’s hand when it reaches up for another fry. whining, he says, “get your own! i’m hungry!”

“they taste better when they’re yours though,” seongwu says, distracting daniel with a peck on the cheek long enough to steal another one.

letting out a huff and trying not to smile, daniel pushes his tray further away from the elder, trying to protect his food. they get into a play fight after that, seongwu insisting daniel has to feed him _as his boyfriend_ and daniel reminding him that _he_ paid for it, so it's _his_ food.

it’s the clearing of a throat that finally snaps them out of their bubble, turning their heads to find their entire friend group just _staring_ at them. 

“i take back what i said about being cute,” minki says, still staring at daniel and seongwu, the latter half on top of the other in his mission to get more food. “you guys are just annoying now. stop being in love.”

“fuck the honeymoon phase,” dongho pipes up from down the table, mouth half full. “please get over it soon.”

“dongho, please swallow before talking,” minhyun reminds him, face akin to something of annoyance. “regardless, i’m just glad these two finally stopped being so _fucking dense_.”

“dense duo strikes again,” minki responds. “you guys really had us all stressed for weeks. at least daniel finally snapped out of it and _did something_.”

“listen! it’s not like i actively thought about the possibility of being in love with my _best friend_ ,” seongwu tries to defend, pouting slightly. “plus! i thought he was _straight_.”

this has everyone at the table snorting, daniel included, leaving seongwu pouting even more. 

“i’ve been bi since i popped out the womb,” daniel says, poking seongwu’s cheek. “thought it was obvious at movie nights when i wouldn’t shut up about how hot the male actors were.”

“it’s not like i listen to the words you say,” seongwu teases, smiling. 

“no, you just fawn over how pretty he looks all the time,” jonghyun adds in, laughing. “even before you guys started dating you were giving him heart eyes.”

“i did not!” seongwu says, voice raising in pitch. “you're making that up!”

“no he isn’t,” minki, minhyun, and dongho chorus at once, seongwu turning to glare at all of them. 

“assholes,” seongwu mumbles, pouting. this gets an obnoxious coo out of daniel, seongwu turning to glare at him too. 

in the end, no one else really mattered as long as seongwu had daniel and his friends. 

~  
senior year happens and graduation comes and goes, daniel making his big valedictorian speech like he was set to do since middle school. daniel’s dad doesn’t show up, and seongwu is furious the whole day, all through run throughs and down time. he almost wishes daniel wouldn’t just laugh it away, would be mad with him as well. seongwu remembers sadly that daniel is probably _used_ to this, his dad never showing up for important events. when daniel is called to accept his diploma, seongwu smiles to himself as he hears the loud screams coming from his own family, practically daniel’s as well now.

it ends up alright in the end, seongwu unsurprisingly taking daniel out with his family for after graduation barbecue, planting a kiss on his cheek when they aren’t looking. seongwu pretends he’s not smug when the blush on daniel’s cheeks doesn’t fade for a half hour and seongwu’s mom asks if he’s feeling alright.

college starts in the fall, and with it everything falls apart. 

seongwu was expecting all of his friends to go to different colleges, even expecting _daniel_ to. he didn’t mind something long distance, not really, he just wanted daniel to go wherever made him happiest. 

what seongwu doesn’t expect is daniel leaving one day and never coming back. 

it starts like this:

a normal day like any other in the middle of summer: hot, sticky, and extremely uncomfortable unless you’re sat directly in front of the air conditioner. 

seongwu’s lounging on top of his bed, shirt thrown somewhere in his room, physically _feeling_ the sweat drip down his forehead. it’s quiet except for the shouts of the children out in the park a few blocks away, a humid warm breeze fluttering through the window every once in awhile. seongwu waits for the buzz of his phone from daniel, the younger supposed to be coming over soon. 

it’s around hour three of daniel not texting him that seongwu starts to worry. the other male very rarely doesn’t text seongwu back almost immediately, his phone practically glued to his hand. normally, seongwu wouldn’t really worry, but this time it feels different, like something isn't right. that feeling alone sends seongwu into messaging daniel almost immediately. 

**onguwu**  
**3:50pm** hey, everything alright?  
just checking cuz u were supposed to be over  
like almost four hours ago  
**3:52pm** lmk when u get this

seongwu tries to swallow down the panic he feels when 15 minutes passes and there's still no sign from daniel, heart beating fast in his chest. in an act of desperation, he texts the only person who knows daniel as well as seongwu himself. 

**onguwu**  
**4:17pm** hyung  
have u heard from daniel today?  
**4:18pm** he was supposed to be over 4 hours ago  


****  
  
jisungie

sorry seongwu  
i havent heard from him since last night **4:21pm**  
from what i know he was up pretty late though :(  
he could just be sleeping or something  
try calling maybe? **4:23pm**

**onguwu**  
okay  
**4:24pm** ill try  
**4:26pm** thanks, hyung  


****  
  
jisungie

of course  
let me know how it goes  
okay? **4:28pm**

**onguwu**  
**4:29pm** course

daniel doesn't answer seongwu’s first call, nor does he answer the second, third, fifth, tenth, or fifteenth. seongwu vaguely debates calling the cops, as any panicked boyfriend would, but eventually decides better of it. it hasn’t been long enough for daniel to be reported as missing, and he still could call back later or something. the fact seongwu can even find it in him to think rationally through all the panic coursing through his body is a miracle, he thinks. 

jisung comes over later and holds seongwu until he falls asleep, and continues to do so for months afterward with no word from daniel at all. they talk to the cops multiple times to no avail, and it never gets easier. for seongwu, the not knowing is the worst part. daniel could still be out there somewhere, living life without him, and seongwu wouldn’t even know. 

he hates it, he hates it all. 

seongwu remembers the exact time, place, store he was in when he gets the text from minhyun, nearly a year after daniel disappears. 

all it says is a simple, _“i just saw daniel?”_ followed by a series of _“what the fuck”_ s and a rogue _“he looks different, seongwu,”_ that has seongwu’s heart feeling like it’s being squeezed in his chest. minhyun didn’t specify different how, just- different. he ignores the first four calls from minhyun, still just trying to fucking _grocery shop_ , eventually picking up with a _“i don’t wanna talk about it,”_ that gets him yelled at for a solid minute about how he can’t just _“run away from his problems,”_ and how he _“needs to face this head on.”_

fuck hwang minhyun, seriously.

they don’t talk about it for two weeks, seongwu hanging up immediately whenever minhyun tries to bring it up during their weekly phone calls, it eventually taking jisung booking seongwu an entire _ticket to busan_ to see minhyun to get him to finally accept that they _have_ to talk about this. he tries not to think about how he’s in the same city as daniel for the first time in a year and he has no idea what he’s been up to in the slightest. part of that thought has anger flaring up in seongwu’s chest, wondering if daniel’s been _happy_ this whole time, while seongwu’s been struggling to do _anything_ at all. he just wants to know _why_.

when he gets to busan, him and minhyun don’t talk about it immediately, choosing to go out to eat instead to one of the local places minhyun has learned to love over the months of him going to university there. it’s almost worse than talking about seeing daniel in the first place, minhyun giving seongwu these worried looks when he thinks he’s not paying attention. 

after they eat, seongwu follows minhyun back to his apartment, mentally bracing himself for the conversation that's about to come. it's almost worse that jonghyun and minki are home as well, seongwu wanting as little people as possible to see him cry today. he knows he’s going to- cry, that is. it’s inevitable, even the mere mention of daniel’s name over the phone making seongwu feel his throat start to tighten and his eyes sting. 

“seongwu,” minhyun starts out gently, much, much later when they’ve been settled on the couch for over an hour. thankfully minki and jonghyun have left, so only _one_ person will see him cry today, but still. minhyun put on some movie seongwu _definitely_ hasn’t been paying attention to, body tense and mind racing, just _waiting_ for minhyun to say anything at all. 

“yeah?” seongwu says, trying his best to go for nonchalance but failing by miles. 

“he doesn’t look good, seongwu,” minhyun says bluntly, straight to the point like always. “he looked… skinny. depressed. not like daniel at all.”

at this, seongwu feels like his heart is being squeezed half to death, already wanting to cry. “what do you _mean_? are you _sure_ it was daniel?” he says, taking a deep breath. 

“i wouldn’t have told you if i wasn’t one hundred and ten percent sure it was him, seongwu,” minhyun replies, hand reaching out to hold one of seongwu’s own. “i think he works at a dance studio in the area, or minki seems to think so anyway. i’ve seen him a few times since i texted you.”

“did- have any of you talked to him?” seongwu says, swallowing roughly. he feels vaguely like he's going to be sick. 

“we wanted to wait and see what you wanted to do,” minhyun says softly, thumb rubbing over seongwu’s knuckles. 

“i-“ he starts, stopping to take another deep breath, eyes closing. nodding slightly, like he's made up his mind over something, seongwu continues with, “i think you should leave him alone.”

“what?” minhyun replies, adopting a puzzled look. this was not how he thought this would go. 

“if he wants to be left alone, which he obviously does, then we should respect it,” seongwu says softly. he misses daniel more than _anything_ but if this is what he wants, seongwu has to be okay with that. he starts to feel himself tear up, pushing one of his palms against his eye to try and keep his tears in.

minhyun knows not to push, just nodding silently and squeezing seongwu’s open hand one last time before changing the subject. the rest of the night goes by smoothly -or rather, as smooth as it can when your boyfriend (ex? seongwu isn’t sure honestly) is close for the first time in a year and you cant see him.

seongwu just hopes he made the right decision. 

~  
seongwu sees him for himself for the first time a few days later. he’s trying to order a caramel macchiato when he sees it. a flash of dirty blond hair, the slope of a nose, the chiseled jawline seongwu knows so well. he feels his heart stop in his chest, and it's hard to breathe. 

the cashier prompts him slightly, a soft _“sir? are you ready to order?”_ coming from their lips. mentally shaking his head to clear it, seongwu turns back to the cashier and gives his best smile in apology, giving them his order. he can feel another pair of eyes on him from across the room and his heart hurts. 

moving to the side to wait for his order, seongwu initially doesn’t look at daniel. he can see him from the corner of his eye, sitting alone, fidgeting back and forth as if he’s nervous or something. it's only when he feels daniel’s eyes back on him does he turn his head slightly, making eye contact. it’s the panic and distress on daniel’s face that tells seongwu everything he needs to know. 

averting his eyes once again, seongwu takes his caramel macchiato from a smiley barista and turns to leave. without looking back, seongwu pushes his way outside and takes a long, deep breath. 

he doesn’t realize he’d walked all the way back to minhyun’s until he’s standing in front of his door, shaking slightly. knocking, seongwu takes another breath. the ice in his drink is almost completely melted by now and seongwu has barely taken a sip. 

it’s not until seongwu is inside and seated in minhyun’s living room that he realizes what just happened. he just saw _daniel_. kang daniel, again, for the first time in over a year. he doesn’t even try to stop the sob that rips its way out of his throat, burying his face in his hands. 

“seongwu,” minhyun starts softly, moving closer to him on the couch. “what happened?”

“daniel,” is all seongwu manages to get out, another sob leaving his throat. minhyun hums in acknowledgement, just letting seongwu cry for the time being. he knows how jarring it was for him to see daniel again for the first time all those months ago, he can only begin to imagine what seongwu of all people is feeling. 

part of seongwu is angry, furious even, that daniel left him without so much as even a trace of where he was going or why he was leaving. then there’s the other part of him, the part that will always love daniel more than anything, that… gets it. sure, he doesn’t know the reason daniel left nor why he felt like he couldn't talk to _anyone_ , but seongwu gets it, in a way. 

sometimes, he wants to do the same thing. maybe the difference is just that daniel was brave enough to actually do it. 

~  
he gets a call when he’s back in seoul, suffering through classes like any normal university student. it’s from minhyun, which in itself isn't weird, but it’s the fact minhyun has called three times prior to this call that has alarms going off in his head. 

picking up with a _“what’s up?”_ seongwu takes a seat on the nearest bench on campus- walking and talking was never his forte.

“ _seongwu, holy fuck,_ ” minhyun rushes out, sounding distressed. “daniel, he- holy fuck seongwu, he just like- what the fuck.” 

“he _what_ , minhyun,” seongwu says, shifting in his seat. any mention of daniel at this point had him remembering the look on the younger boy’s face when seongwu saw him that day. he hates it. 

“he- he came up to me at uni and like, wanted to fucking talk or something,” minhyun says, pausing to take a deep breath. “but i was gonna be late so i told him to just- just fuckin text me and he just did right now. i don't know what to do.” he finishes breathlessly.

“well, text him back,” seongwu says, like it's the easiest thing in the world, like his heart isn't breaking the longer he thinks about daniel. “i’m just confused as to why now. he could’ve done this a long time ago. he could’ve not ghosted us at all, y’know.”

“are you- seongwu. i won’t text him if you don’t really want me to,” minhyun says carefully, like he's tiptoeing around seongwu in a way. 

seongwu thinks for a minute. he can’t exactly _stop_ minhyun, especially now that daniel’s already texted him, but he can request to know what happens. that would be reasonable, right?

“i mean, you can, especially since he’s already texted you,” seongwu starts softly, biting his lip. “i just- i wanna know what he says. what happens and stuff.”

“sure, seongwu. that’s fine,” minhyun replies just as softly, all traces of franticness from before now gone. “i’ll keep you updated okay?”

letting out a hum to let minhyun knows he heard him, he says his goodbyes and hangs up. 

letting out a heavy sigh, seongwu stays on the bench for a long time after the call. ignoring the invite to dinner from jisung, seongwu gets up and walks back to his apartment, face planting his bed the second he gets in the door and passing out for the next twelve hours. sleep always solved everything, in seongwu’s experience. 

~  


  
**danik**  
**5:34pm** hyung, can we talk?  
i’m sorry  
**5:35pm** it’s just, kinda important i guess

minhyun stares at these texts for two hours. two hours he debates on what to say, how he should respond, if he should be angry or relieved. part of him is furious at daniel, for not only leaving him behind with no word, but seongwu. _seongwu_ , his own boyfriend, his best friend. what could’ve possibly happened to get him to leave behind _seongwu_? taking a deep, deep breath, minhyun mentally prepares himself for this conversation and types out his first messages.

 **minhyunie**  
hey **7:26pm**  
why now? it's been over a year  
not that i’m not happy to know you’re doing fine, i guess, just confused lol **7:28pm**

**danik**  
who said im doing fine?  
**7:33pm** im most certainly not  
but thats not the point  
i want to. i wanna talk to seongwu hyung again  
**7:35pm** and i need your help  


****  
  
minhyunie

sorry for assuming you were fine  
didn’t mean to offend **7:37pm**  
but… i mean, you kinda ruined him when you left, niel  
who knows if he’d even want to talk again?  
sorry if thats harsh just, its true **7:38pm**

**danik**  
i know  
trust me i know i fucked up big time  
and he probably wouldnt want to talk to me  
**7:45pm** but its, really important  


****  
  
minhyunie

i mean, ill talk to him  
just,,, dont be upset if he doesnt wanna talk  
you gotta understand where hes coming from **7:48pm**  


  
**danik**  
of course i do  
**7:52pm** i mean its not like me leaving was easy on me either  
i just  
**7:53pm** i guess i should probably tell u why lol

**minhyunie**  
if you want  
its not important to me  
it already happened and we cant go back **7:54pm**

its at this point that minhyun takes a deep breath. he debates texting seongwu and asking what he should do, what he should say. scrapping that idea, he figures seongwu doesn’t have to know everything he says, right? typing out his message and pressing send, he sends a silent apology to seongwu and just hopes he won’t be too mad- if he finds out. 

**minhyunie**  
but if you wanna meet up for like drinks and talk  
sure **7:56pm**  


  
**danik**  
id really appreciate that  
tuesday around 7?  
**8:01pm** at that bar downtown?  


****  
  
minhyunie

yeah that works  
see you then **8:02pm**  


  
**danik**  
really hyung… thank you  
**8:03pm** see u then

sending a quick, _“i’ll update you later,”_ to seongwu, minhyun takes a minute to process what the fuck he just agreed to. seeing daniel, _properly_ , for the first time in over a year? and he’s about to find out why daniel really left? it was a lot to think about.

“ah, i’m so fucked,” minhyun mumbles to himself, looking at the _“okay!!! thank you, really,”_ response from seongwu. he just hopes seongwu would understand if he ever found out. 

~  
seongwu gets the text from minhyun on a wednesday. he distinctly ignores it until saturday.

_"daniel wants to meet up with you."_

every day that goes by, seongwu can feel the text burning a hole in his pocket. while he's at the coffee shop, just trying to study, he remembers the text. when he's in the middle of a lecture, trying to concentrate on what the professor is saying, he remembers the text. eventually he gets so fed up of remembering the stupid _fucking_ text, he turns his phone off altogether.

eventually, he can’t ignore it anymore.

it’s saturday night when he finally opens the text. he stares at it for five minutes, locks his phone, reopens his phone, stares at it again, and finally presses the message box.

_"why?"_

it’s all seongwu can manage to respond with. he still feels vaguely nauseous every time he thinks about those words, about daniel wanting to see him again after all this time. he hears a little bitter voice in his head saying daniel never should have left if he wanted to see seongwu again, but he ignores it.

_"he says it’s important, won't tell me why."_

this has seongwu calling minhyun immediately, foot tapping impatiently on his floor.

"listen all i'm saying is- all i'm saying is it would be good for you. i think," minhyun says in lieu of a simple "hello," rushing out his words like seongwu is going to hang up at any time (like he's known to do whenever daniel is mentioned lately).

"but why _now_ ," seongwu says, stressing the last word. "months ago! he couldn't have done this months ago?"

"i think you guys seeing each other triggered something in him," minhyun says softly. "like i think he realized this was affecting you just as hard as it was him."

"he's the one who left. no one made him leave and cut us all off. yeah, sure, i wanna know why did what he did but i also want to see him even less than i want to know," seongwu says bitterly, knowing he's lying deep down.

letting out a heavy sigh, minhyun stays quiet for a minute. he knows seongwu is hurt, but now that he knows what _happened_ , he knows how daniel is feeling as well. call him an asshole, but truthfully, minhyun hated being the middleman more than he hated seeing his friends in pain, and he was getting tired of having to pretend like he wasn't also being affected by this.

"just- can you stop being so stubborn? he's hurting too, big time," minhyun snaps, not intending for his voice to sound so... harsh.

"me? stubborn? i'm sorry if i'm being _stubborn_ after my boyfriend left me, had me worried sick for months, only to be completely fine three _fucking_ hours away. as far as i’m concerned, nothing can live up to what i went through this past year,” seongwu responds, scoffing at the end.

letting out a scoff of his own, minhyun responds with a _“you’d be surprised at what he’s fuckin gone through, seongwu,”_ and immediately regrets it. he was supposed to pretend like he didn’t know what happened, like he was just being an encouraging best friend on the side.

“what’s that supposed to mean?” seongwu says, feeling himself get more angry by the second. he really did _not_ want to fight today, but if minhyun was going to be an asshole over this, so be it. 

“nothing. just- just at least talk to him, alright?” minhyun backs down, sighing heavily. “at least for five minutes. i’ll stay with you if you want, even.”

“hyun- minhyun, why are you pushing this so hard? i don’t know if i _ever_ want to see him again. i just don’t _know_ ,” seongwu stresses, sitting down heavily on his couch. “i know there's a saying about forgive and forget but do i really have to?”

“you sound like a kid talking about sharing,” minhyun says, laughing softly. normally he _wouldn’t_ have pushed seongwu this hard, but after meeting up with daniel-

they just have to talk again. minhyun is sure of it.

“please, just try,” minhyun practically whispers. “i’ll stay the whole time.”

“i’ll- i promise i’ll think about it,” seongwu says, feeling like that’s the best he can offer right now. he had a lot of thinking to do, thinking he really didn’t _want_ to do. it’s not like him from a year ago would have to think twice about wanting to see daniel. but now- now he wasn’t sure. he wasn’t sure of anything anymore.

his heart had already decided, but his brain sure hadn’t.

~  
it takes seongwu three weeks and a _lot_ of alcohol to finally crack.

so, he’s meeting up with daniel. no big deal. not a big deal at all, nope. tell that to his sweaty hands he has to keep wiping on his pants, or his racing heart that's starting to make him feel nauseous, though. minhyun and daniel took the train up to seoul this morning, and seongwu’s been antsy ever since. 

why did he agree to this again?

it's not until seongwu sees, actually _sees_ , daniel that he processes what the fuck is going on. he processes, he thinks, and he decides this has to be some cruel gift from the universe for something he’s done in a past life. 

daniel, in a white button down and jeans, standing near the door and scanning the restaurant, looking more nervous than seongwu feels himself. despite how nervous and uncomfortable he looks, he looks _good_ , better than when seongwu last saw him. the late afternoon sun is shining into the restaurant, lighting up his face and making him _glow_. seongwu feels his heart rate pick up and mentally curses. he _can’t_ do this now. 

now was a time to be serious and get answers. answers he’s been waiting over a year for. 

half standing up and making a vague waving gesture to get daniel’s (and minhyun’s- seongwu didn’t even notice him, honestly) attention, seongwu smiles slightly. he hopes it doesn’t look too much like a grimace. 

finally catching daniel’s eye, seongwu sits back down, heart beating faster the closer daniel gets to the table. he’s not sure if he can do this. scratch that, he _knows_ he can’t do this. 

seongwu makes it 15 minutes into the meeting before he has to excuse himself and panic in the bathroom. he doesn't even realize minhyun followed him in until there's a hand on his back, rubbing slow circles onto it. 

“i really can’t do this,” seongwu says, struggling to get a deep breath in. “i can’t. i know i said i’d try but-“

“seongwu,” minhyun cuts him off, moving closer to where seongwu is leaning over the sink, essentially hyperventilating. “you’re trying just by being here. you said _hello_ to him, asked him how he was. that’s _trying_.”

“yeah but he- minhyun he deserves so much more than just me _trying_ ,” seongwu says, breath shuddering. “he deserves someone who can actually _listen_ , who isn't going to leave to go freak out just because he breathed. i _shouldn’t_ be doing this.”

“yes, you should. because no matter how it ends up, _you_ need the closure. i’ve known you for close to six years now, i know how you are. you _need_ this, seongwu,” minhyun says, still rubbing soothing circles onto seongwu’s back. seongwu didn't deserve him, either. 

they stay in the bathroom for the next 10 minutes, seongwu slowly getting his breathing back under control and mentally piecing back together his resolve. he thinks he can do this. he hopes he can do this.

following minhyun out of the bathroom back to the table, seongwu lets out a sheepish apology for making daniel wait so long. what he doesn’t expect is the genuine concern on daniel’s face when he asks if seongwu is okay, if he needs anything. that has seongwu nearly breaking down in tears, but he holds it back. everything is _fine_. 

“so um,” daniel starts after they're done eating, still sitting at the restaurant table making small talk between the three of them. “do- can i tell you why i left?” he says softly, becoming _extremely_ fascinated with the napkin still on his lap. 

“i- yeah. i’d appreciate it,” seongwu says genuinely, mentally bracing himself. he’s thought about a million reasons, a billion scenarios with how this would play out, what happens next. what daniel is going to say. none of his imaginations could have even come _close_ to what daniel tells him. 

“so like, we all know here my dad is shit,” daniel says, letting out an uncomfortable laugh. “like, shittiest of the shit. he kinda topped it this time, though.

you remember, that time last year when i didn’t hangout with anyone for a week? when i just kinda… blew all of you guys off but wouldn’t say why?” he continues, still letting out little uncomfortable laughs. seongwu’s gut churns.

“yeah, i was worried sick,” seongwu says softly, hands folding and unfolding under the table. 

“well, truth be told, my dad left me. like for real, at that time. left a few thousand in an envelope, a note, everything. it was the most he ever cared about how i’d be, funnily enough,” daniel says, swallowing roughly, still looking at his lap. “i spent that week packing up everything i had, anything i’d want to keep, looking for apartments, trying to sell our house. i just- i needed to leave.

“and so, that day i was supposed to come over, i shut off my phone because i knew you’d tried to call me. i knew the second i heard your voice i’d regret it all and stay. but i _couldn’t_ , seongwu, please understand that. i couldn’t stay in a place that held… all those memories. so i went somewhere where i’d feel free,” he says, wiping under his eyes before tears could actually fall, letting out a broken laugh. seongwu’s heart _hurt_. 

taking a shuddering breath, daniel finally looks back up at seongwu and tries to give him a reassuring smile. “everything’s fine now, though,” he says. 

seongwu knows he’s lying, so he tells him. 

“bullshit,” seongwu replies, mouth taking on a frown. “niel- daniel you’re _allowed_ to still be upset over this. don’t just say you’re fine when i can see you’re not.”

this has daniel at a loss for words, going back to playing with his napkin. minhyun doesn’t look surprised in the slightest, which confuses seongwu. _had he heard this before?_

“maybe it’s selfish but i just wish- i wish you would’ve told me, back then. when it was happening. we were _dating_ , daniel. that means i’d do anything for you, you know? i would’ve _helped_ you look for apartments, helped you with anything at all. i really, truly would have understood,” seongwu says softly, still frowning slightly. 

“i know,” daniel says softly, looking up. “i know you would’ve and that’s what scared me.”

it’s quiet for a while after that, no one knowing what to say. 

“do you like, maybe wanna hang out more? away from here?” seongwu says, just trying to alleviate the awkward tension that had grown over the table. choosing to ignore the shocked look from minhyun, seongwu continues with, “we could like, go back to my place or something. maybe watch a movie like old times.”

this gets a small smile out of daniel, the younger finally _fully_ looking at seongwu. “yeah, i’d really like that,” he says, placing his napkin on the table and getting up to stretch. seongwu and minhyun follow in suit, the trio making their way out of the restaurant and down the road. 

seongwu doesn’t know if him and daniel will ever get back to the way they used to be, but he really _really_ hopes so. 

daniel doesn’t know if seongwu still feels the same as he did almost a year ago, but he really _really_ hopes so.

so, with small hopes and hesitant movements, they head down the street together, into the start of something better than before.

**Author's Note:**

> thank u for reading! :D
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